just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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