I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
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