saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
