this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
