I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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