i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
