oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
