I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
