This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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