hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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