Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
