I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
