you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
