Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We talked him into tasing himself.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
