Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
