apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
