idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
