i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
