Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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