My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
