it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
