so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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