My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Randomize
