Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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