fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
