I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
