I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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