so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
