I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
