Acid is not a monday night drug
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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