I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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