; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
