I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
