Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
