I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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