tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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