I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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