There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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