so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
