just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
