You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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