i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
