I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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