I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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