he shaved USA in his pubs
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
