i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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