I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
