I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
well, you know. whores of a feather.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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