I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
