I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
