I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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