We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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