Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
