Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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