My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
